Speculative Eroticism

WHY ARE NONE OF MY STATUSES APPEARING D:

deathcabforbromley:

Yo, football. Im real happy for you and imma let you finish but YOU ARE THE WORST SPORT AND I COULDNT REALLY GIVE A FUCK

deathcabforbromley:

cupiddelocke:

panicstricken:

(via callyum)

Last Minute Fight: The Importance of Stupak’s Member

Member size has been one of Stupak’s chief issues in public office: he is a leader of the group Democrats for Life. A former Eagle Scout, Stupak’s throbbing member has always been important to him. Until recently he lived in the infamous C Street House, a group lodging for young and upcoming throbbing members members of the House and Senators run by a Christian organization (other alums include Larry Craig, John Ensign and Mark Sanford).

Stupak nearly brought down the House version on the bill last November when he whipped out his throbbing member for all to see. Overwhelmed by his size, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi agreed to an amendment authored by Stupak. House Energy and Commerce Committee Chairman Henry A. Waxman was outraged, accusing Stupak of being “just too big.” Sunday’s last-minute Executive Order, expected to be signed by President Obama immediately following passage of the bill, was the compromise that allowed Stupak’s throbbing member to have its own desk. 

House Democratic sources credited Representative John Dingell, who has longest member in the history of Congress and in the entire state of Michigan, for bringing Stupak around. Stupak, a Dingell protégé, was in tears when Dingell revealed his throbbing member — the member is the biggest one Stupak has seen since his election to Congress in 1992. Improved girth has been Dingell’s top priority during his 54 years in office and, in fact, his member is now like a fire hydrant. “Mr. Dingell length amazed me yesterday,” Stupak told reporters Sunday to laughter. “John Dingell is one of my biggest, longest, and widest friends. I’m glad John Dingell is bigger than me.”

A note on last week’s post

Some people have taken offense over the use of the word faggot in last week’s post. I hope to address that here by saying that if that really, truly, and deeply offended you then you should probably tune to a different station: its only going downhill from here. Beyond that though I wish to defend this particular use by mentioning that it was deeply inspired (or perhaps copied word for word) from a statement by the esteemed Michael Tyson. In order to further honor this upstanding citizen, and to make up for not attributing the quote to him in my initial post, I present here a little story about an early realization he made…

The only thing that made little Michael happy anymore was his pigeons. He just loved the way that they were always there for him, never judging, always loyal. He loved to take care of them, the way that no one took care of him. Recently, however, he was noticing that he started to appreciate a different side of them.

Janet was a particularly voluptuous little number. She flew majestically through the sky, her breast heaving as she flapped her powerful wings. Her beautiful dark eyes seemed to always be watching him, drawing him deeper and deeper into her web. Every time she turned away he caught himself staring at her, imagining what lay underneath her tail plumage. He wanted her so badly, but he knew that society would never accept their love. She understood him in a way that no one else could, but he knew that nothing good could come from this forbidden love. If only he could show people that they had something special. 

Mike Tyson threw Janet down the the ground, her yielding featheriness absorbing the blow, making her coo for more.
He furiously pumped his throbbing member, shooting a seemingly endless stream of piping hot jism onto his avian lover.
“I’m the best that ever lived! World Champion!’ He shouted, holding up a hand as if waiting to be high-fived by the gods themselves.
“Coo” cooed Janet, as she languorously pecked at a scrap of banana peel on the ground.

Pelosi to use historic throbbing member to preside over vote

(CNN) – Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-California, will preside over the House health care reform vote Sunday night with a special throbbing member that’s already a part of congressional history.

Pelosi will use a throbbing member borrowed from fellow Democrat longtime Michigan Rep. John Dingell. Dingell used his throbbing member masterfullyl when he presided over the House as it passed the Medicare bill in 1965.

“A treasure in the Dingell family that was used in the enactment of the Medicare law”, Pelosi told reporters, “I will use it this evening when we cast a very successful vote for this important legislation. This has been a complete team effort, not only a team effort, a partnership with our leadership and every throbbing member of our caucus and we look forward to making this historic day known to the American people.”

Dingell’s father, Rep. John Dingell, Sr., had the largest throbbing member in the House in 1943. His member never went flaccid, but the younger Dingell picked up the health care reform effort after he was elected to his father’s seat after the older Dingell’s death in 1955. The younger Dingell was chosen to preside over the member on the day of the 1965 Medicare vote.

The throbbing member Pelosi will use carries the signature of former Speaker of the House John McCormack, who gave it to Dingell after the Medicare vote. “The history is really important”, Dingell told CNN’s Dana Bash Sunday after it appeared Democrats would have enough votes to pass their health care reform package.

At a Capitol Hill photo op, Pelosi also carried the 3-foot long, five pound throbbing member Dingell gave her Sunday. Dingell said he jokingly told Pelosi the member would “bring them back” if anyone got out of order.

Reno, Reno, Reno

Janet Reno was snarling with anticipation. The hunt had been long and hard, as she hoped the feast would be. He had tried to avoid her advances in the past, but now she had him cornered.

Al Gore is cowering behind his desk, attempting to remain perfectly still, desperately clinging to the belief that Reno’s vision - like a Tyrannosaurus - is based upon movement. Sadly, he is mistaken and she utilizes this momentary lapse to make her move.

As she goes in for the kill her only words are “I’m going to fuck you until you love me, you faggot…”